Media

MY  FILM APPEARANCE  ROLES;-

*‘THIS YEAR’S LOVE’,

(ROMANTIC COMEDY SET IN LONDON) STARRING KATHY BURKE, JAMIE FORMAN AND DAVID GRAY....... I DID THREE DAYS ON THIS ONE,  I WAS CAST  IN THREE OR FOUR SCENES AS AS A SKIN IN THE PUB AND AT A GIG DRINKING......THIS FILM TURNED OUT TO BE A COMEDY SUCCESS, AND INTRODUCED ME TO THE  WORLD OF THE FILM EXTRA.  MY MATE JAMIE FORMAN HAD A SPEAKING PART; TROUBADOUR DAVID GRAY PLAYED HIS SONGS FOR REAL IN THE FILM; AND KATHY BURKE WAS GREAT TOO, SHE’S ONE OF YER OWN, AND A GREAT PROFESSIONAL, UNLIKE AMANDA DONOHUE................................................

* ‘JIMMY FIZZ’

(POP STARS AND GANGSTERS FLICK) STARRING AMANDA DONOHUE....WE WERE FILMING OUTSIDE A PUB, IT WAS RAINING ON THE SET, AND SHE HAD A SCENE WHERE SHE HAD TO GET SHOT AND FALL OVER. SHE REFUSED TO FALL OVER ‘BECAUSE SHE’D GET WET’. THE DIRECTOR SAID THEY COULD’NT USE A BODY DOUBLE BECAUSE IT WAS A CLOSE UP SHOT, BUT SHE STILL REFUSED TO DO THE SCENE THE WAY IT WAS WRITTEN. THE DIRECTOR SAID THAT SHE COULD HAVE BUBBLE WRAP DOWN ONE SIDE OF HER BODY AND FALL ON THAT, WITH A MATTRESS ON THE GROUND TO CUSHION HER; BUT IN THE END SHE SAID NO AND THREW A FIT, AND FLOUNCED OFF THE FILM SET. EVERYONE ELSE WAS GETTING WET, THE CAMERAMEN AND TECHNICAL PEOPLE AND THE OTHER ACTORS, BUT SHE REFUSED TO’GET WET’.  THEY HAD TO CUT SCENES AND RE-WRITE THE LAST PART OF THE FILM BECAUSE OF THIS. IT WAS VERY UN-PROFESSIONAL BEHAVIOUR CONSIDERING THE MONEY SHE WAS BEING PAID, THE CASTING PEOPLE ON ‘JIMMY FIZZ’ CONFIRMED SHE WAS GETTING MORE THAN ANYONE.......AND SHE BEHAVED LIKE A SPOILT BRAT.

* ‘ME WITHOUT YOU’

( A COMEDY SET IN THE 80’S IN BRIGHTON) STARRING STING’S MISSUS TRUDI STYLER AND ANNA FRIEL (WHO USED TO BE IN BROOKSIDE...REMEMBER THAT?). I WAS CAST AS A PUNK IN A CLUB AND HAD TO DO SEVERAL SCENES......

* ‘CRUST’   

... THIS  FILM WAS ABOUT A TWELVE FOOT HIGH PRAWN WHO WANTED TO BE A BOXER....(YES, YOU READ THAT CORRECTLY). A HUGE PRAWN OPERATED BY REMOTE RADIO CONTROL ‘ANIMATRONICS’ WAS USED IN THE FILM, ALONG WITH GLAMOUR MODELS AND BODYBUILDER FELLAS. I DON’T KNOW WHAT THE WRITER WAS SMOKING WHEN HE WROTE THIS FILM SCRIPT, BUT IT WAS A STRANGE TURN OUT AND THAT’S A FACT. I HAD TO BE THE LEADING CROWD RABBLEROUSER AT A BOXING MATCH BETWEEN THE PRAWN AND A MUSCLE BOUND BOXER, AND SHOUT ‘COME ON CRUSTY! COME ON CRUSTY! CRUSSSSS-TEEEEEE!’ AS ME AND THE CROWD CHEERED FOR THE PRAWN..., YOU COULD’NT MAKE IT UP.....KEVIN MCNALLY STARRED IN THIS FILM.

* ‘POSSESSION ’   

… THIS STARRED GWYNNETH PALTROW,  (BIG BUDGET AMERICAN MONEY FLICK, HISTORICAL DRAMA)...AND I DID THREE DAYS ON A FILM SET IN GREENWICH, (NEAR WHERE I LIVE) AT THE MARITIME MUSEUM THERE, WHICH THE FILM COMPANY HAD HIRED OUT. I HAD TO WEAR 19TH CENTURY CLOTHES AND WEAR A WIG, (PERFECTLY SET BY A WIG FIXER WITH SKIN GLUE ETC.) HA! THE RESULT  WITH THE COSTUME AND THE SYRUP OF FIG MADE ME LOOK LIKE A HELL FIRE PREACHER OR ONE OF THE FOUNDING FATHERS, I STILL LAUGH LOOKING AT THE PICTURES THAT WERE TAKEN OF ME ON THE SET.  I JUST HAD TO STROLL UP AND DOWN THROUGH THE MARBLE COLONNADES AT THE MUSEUM BUILDINGS WITH OTHER EXTRA ACTORS AND ACTRESSES; AND IN ONE SCENE I HAD TO WALK BEHIND GWYNNETH PALTROW AS SHE STROLLED THROUGH THE PLACE. SHE IS A REAL BEAUTY.....AND SHE SMILED AT ME.......GULP. (THAT CHRIS MARTIN IN COLDPLAY IS A RIGHT LUCKY BASTARD BEING MARRIED TO HER.... HOW COULD SHE MARRY A GEEZER WHO MAKES SUCH BORING MUSIC?  COLDPLAY’S LIKE THE SOUNDTRACK TO  A  COMA! COME HERE GWYNNETH, GET OVER HERE BABE, AND DISCOVER THE JOYS OF OI! I’VE GOT GUINNESS IN THE FRIDGE TOO!).

* BOY BAND ‘BUSTED’ CHRISTMAS SPECIAL TV   

( STRANGE BUT TRUE....WHATEVER NEXT!!!!!) .....IN THIS I HAD A CAMEO SCENE AS A SKINHEAD IN THE STORLINE. THIS WAS FILMED AROUND HAMLEY’S STORE IN LONDON.  WE ALL HAD A LAUGH WATCHING THE PROGRAMME WHEN IT WAS SHOWN ON TV. BUSTED SPLIT UP ABOUT SIX MONTHS LATER.

*VIDEO SHOOT FOR VIRGIN RECORDS     

THIS WAS COMPLETE SHITE, IT WAS A BOXING RING SET AND SOME OF THE BAND WERE BOXERS AND THE REF AND THE TIMEKEEPER....I HAD A PART AS A “GO ON SON!!!!!” SHOUTER  IN THE AUDIENCE AS THEY FILMED THE ‘BOXING’....THE SONG  WAS JUST THE WORST PILE OF CRAP I’VE EVER HEARD.... TOTAL COST FOR THE DAYS SHOOT?  I WAS TOLD SEVENTY FIVE GRAND, TO BE PAID EITHER BY THE BAND OR VIRGIN RECORDS.....FOR A LAVISH THREE MINUTE VIDEO PROMOTING A RUBBISH SONG.

* ‘ENDURING LOVE’

(ANOTHER BRITISH COMEDY/DRAMA). THIS FEATURED ONE OF THE SCOTTISH ACTORS FROM ‘TRAINSPOTTING’ AND ALSO DANIEL CRAIG, WHO HAS SINCE BECOME THE NEW JAMES BOND. I FIXED IT WITH THE CASTING AGENT TO GET SUPERYOB’S BASS PLAYER  JOHN  IN ON THE ACTION AS AN EXTRA WITH ME IN THIS FILM, AND WE DID A DAY’S FILMING TOGETHER WITH OTHER EXTRAS. ME AND JOHN WERE CAST AS NUTTERS IN A LOONY BIN, AND I HAD TO WEAR A DRESSING GOWN AND SLIPPERS AND  A WOOL HAT AND LOOK DOPEY, AND PLAY WITH SNOOKER BALLS ON A SNOOKER TABLE AS IF I’D HAD A LOBOTOMY... (SOMETIMES THIS FEELS FAMILIAR, AFTER OCEANS OF GUINNESS....); AN ADDITIONAL SHORT FILM CALLED ‘BURST’ WHICH WAS TAGGED ONTO THIS FILM IN DVD FORMAT WAS ALSO FILMED ON THE SET, AND I WAS ASKED TO ‘TALK TO THE CAMERA’ FOR FIVE MINUTES TO BE USED IN ‘BURST’. I RANTED AND RAVED ABOUT EVERYTHING AND NOTHING, IT WAS JUST COMPLETELY SPONTANEOUS BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT THEY WANTED. THE DIRECTOR SAID ‘THE CAMERA LIKES YOUR FACE AND STYLE’. (I’VE NEVER MET RICKY GERVAIS BY THE WAY, BUT HIS TV SHOW ‘EXTRAS’ IS BANG ON, ITS EXACTLY HOW US EXTRAS ARE ON A FILM SET....)

*’RISE OF THE FOOTSOLDIER ’    

THIS IS  THE  TRUE STORY OF CARLTON LEACH, A TOP MAN ON THE WEST HAM FIRM AND A LEGEND IN HIS OWN LIFETIME. ‘RISE OF THE FOOTSOLDIER’ IS THE TITLE AND ITS A BRITISH FILM, BRILLIANTLY DIRECTED BY JULIAN GILBEY, WHO HAS A BAFTA NOMINATION. IT TELLS THE STORY OF CARLTON’S RISE FROM FOOTBALL HOOLIGAN TO DOORMAN/ SECURITY GUARD TO GANGSTER. IT WAS MADE ON A BUDGET ON ABOUT A MILLION AND A HALF QUID, WHICH IS A PISS IN THE OCEAN IN THE FILM WORLD. THE RESULT IS A GRIPPING AND ULTRA VIOLENT FLICK WHICH PULLS NO PUNCHES...’GRITTY AND REALISTC’ AS ONE CRITIC WROTE. IT DOCUMENTS CARLTON’S RISE WITH WEST HAM’S ICF FIRM, RUN- INS WITH ‘THE TREATMENT’ FIRM FROM MILLWALL,  THE MAN U FIRM AND OTHERS.....AND THEN HIS MOVE TO SECURITY WORK AND BOUNCER,  CLASHES WITH A TURKISH HEROIN GANG AND THE SUBSEQUENT PLOTLINE WITH THE FAMOUS GANGLAND SLAYINGS IN RETTENDEN, ESSEX.

FOOTBALL RIOTS, BEATINGS, TORTURE, ECSTASY AND RAVES, GUNS, COCAINE, MURDERS AND ANNABOLIC STEROIDS ALL MAKE THIS FILM A THRILLER. I WAS CAST AS THE LEADER OF A FOOTBALL CREW THAT FIGHTS IN THE STREETS,  WE HAD TO CHARGE ANOTHER CREW AND HAVE A TEAR UP, REALLY MIX IT UP. WE FILMED AT CANNING TOWN, STRATFORD AND BROMLEY BY BOW, AND AT LEYTON ORIENT FC (THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE WEST HAM IN THE FILM). WHEN WE STARTED FILMING THE FIGHTS, AND STREET TEAR UPS, THE STUNT DIRECTOR ROCKY TAYLOR SAID “ THIS IS A FILM, ANYONE HERE FOR A REAL RUCK CAN FUCK OFF NOW”.... BUT WHEN YOU ARE DOING CLOSE UP REALISTIC STUFF, IT GETS REAL AFTER THE TENTH OR ELEVENTH TAKE,  AND MIMING PUNCHES AND KICKS BECOME REAL PUNCHES AND KICKS.....AND IT GOT MORE INTENSE AND REAL EVERY TIME WE SHOT IT...HAHAHA......SOME OF THE EXTRAS HAD ENOUGH BECAUSE IT WAS GETTING WELL ROUGH;  I HAD A CAMEO PART AS THE FIRM LEADER. DIRECTOR JULIAN GILBEY HAD A ‘BODYCAMERA’ AND GOT RIGHT  INSIDE THE FIGHT ACTION, AND FILMED VERY WELL, TO HIS CREDIT.

OF COURSE SOME STUNT MEN DID CLOSE UPS OF FACES GETTING SMASHED AND PUTTING THE BOOT IN.... BUT MOST OF THE EXTRAS WERE JUST LOCALS LIKE ME OR BOUNCERS OR BOXERS AND IT WAS A RIGHT FREE FOR ALL MOST OF THE TIME! AFTER THREE DAYS OF FILMING WE ALL GOT PROPER BASHED UP, I WAS SORE FOR ABOUT THREE OR FOUR DAYS AFTERWARDS, BUT IS WAS FUN. I ALSO HAD A SMALL SCENE IN AND OUTSIDE A CLUB  AS WELL IN THIS FILM... TROUBLE IS YOU DO THREE OR FOUR DAYS FILMING AND SEE YERSELF ON SCREEN IN THE FINISHED FILM FOR ABOUT TEN SECONDS,BUT THAT’S ALL YOU CAN EXPECT AS AN EXTRA.  ‘RISE OF THE FOOTSOLDIER’ IS A BRILLIANT REALISTIC LONDON BASED FOOTBALL/CRIME STORY, AND I RECOMMEND IT TO ANYONE.

 TV  AND RADIO  SHOWS  I’VE  DONE

WHALE ON TV SHOW (2)      

BUSHELL ON THE BOX  (3)

ESTHER RANTZEN SHOW   (3)               

THIS  MORNING. ITV

THE TIME, THE PLACE. ANGLIA TV  (2)

CHANNEL 4 ‘WITHOUT WALLS’

MTV ‘TALKING HEADS’ ” CAN YOU JUST TALK AT THE CAMERA FOR 30 SECONDS, THANKS”…… THIS WAS FORGETTABLE, TO SAY THE LEAST  

‘STAR SEARCH’   (2)                          
I WENT  ON THIS TALENT SHOW STAR SEARCH  FOR A LAUGH AND WON A HEAT PLAYING THE PIANO.    

RADIO 1 STEVE WRIGHT SHOW 

CAPITAL RADIO               

RADIO LONDON

TOTAL ROCK RADIO        

TALK SPORT RADIO    

RADIO ESSEX

RADIO BRISTOL                                                   

RADIO NOTTINGHAM                                

RADIO TEES

CHILTERN FM RADIO 

ROUGE FM RADIO                                           

LAST  FM INTERNET RADIO                        

PRESS I’VE  BEEN FEATURED IN;-

*SOUNDS

*MELODY MAKER                                            

*NME

 I WAS A CONTRIBUTOR TO ZIT MAGAZINE          

THE SUN ‘BIZARRE’ PAGE                             

THE SUNDAY EXPRESS      

THE MAIL ON SUNDAY       

THE BLACKHEATH GUIDE. I WROTE SPORT AND MUSIC  FEATURES FOR THIS.   

FRONT MAGAZINE.                    

EVENING STANDARD